I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize