When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
