she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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