No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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