i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
