It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
