this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
