Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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