does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize