so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he puts the penis in happiness.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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