When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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