Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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