this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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