I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
