The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
