farters have to be the big spoon...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
