everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
