Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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