Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
