didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
