You work out of a Hotel?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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