just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
