To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
