My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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