When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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