forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
