yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
