Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
