i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
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There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
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I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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