New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
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Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
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They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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