i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I enjoy the company of your penis
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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