I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The air was thick with penises
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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