TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
