Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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