census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize