Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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