apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
