Where did you get a picture of my penis
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
