I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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