Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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