Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
