just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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