I accidentally burped into my bong.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
