Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
