At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's blow job season.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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