I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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