He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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