even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
