Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
