A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
