I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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