I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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