We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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