I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
