remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
