the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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