Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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