I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
