Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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