I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
