i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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